Monday, December 29, 2008

You make the path of life known to me. Complete joy is in Your presence. Pleasures are by Your side forever. Psalm 16:11

Friday, December 19, 2008

Cowardly Lions

I am on strike!!!!!!!

(and a little cranky)

Until conditions improve!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

maybe we are all the same

I'm always throwing around the word need. It is a frequent occupant of my greedy lips, and all too unnecessary. I need. Yes, I do say that quite a bit. Usually, it simply means "I want".

Need: the psychological feature that arouses an organism to action toward a desired goal; the reason for the action; that which gives purpose and direction to behaviour;

So what do I really need? What do you need? I'm sure that there are obvious answers. I'm positive that you could make a list.

Most days, what I really need is the same thing that you really need. Funny how that works. We all are longing for the same thing, and yet no one speaks of it.

In the deepest part of us, we desperately want companionship...At the end of the day, I want a friend. Not the kind of friends that will leave me when I let them down...but the kind of friends who never quit...
The friends that ride out the storm with you. Friends who stay by your side when you make a fool of yourself. Friends who realize that Love not only is unconditional, but it also "suffers long." Yes, friends who are willing to suffer with you and for you...friends who will push you towards change.

People are tricky. People have been hurt. Most people have lost their ability to trust. Maybe that's why it's so hard.
But here is what I know.

Love (which is the core of friendship) is pure and kind. Love is not self seeking. Love overlooks. Love perseveres. Love keeps no record of wrong.That is who I want to be. The dictionary defined Love as a feeling. But I beg to differ with Sir Webster. Love is a choice, it is a challenge, it is a goal. It is my goal.

To love without fear of failing or losing.
To trust without walls.
To stand my ground, even when I want to run.
To fight for my friends, at all costs.
&To walk out this journey surrounded by people who encourage me, and to be the friend that exudes the love that Christ has shown me.


Wednesday, December 3, 2008


I go

Not to teach
What God has said
To the generations before me

But to learn
What He is saying
To us

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Crowded parties. Lonley cab rides. Insanity. Masks. Awkward silences. Unspoken goodbyes. Messy Hair. Worn-out shoes. Tired girl. My life is a circus. Flamming hoops. Cowardly lions. Mirrors Mirrors Mirrors. Elephants in the room.

i go in circles. around the world. around the block. around i spin.i figured something out: if you are dizzy, you dont think about all your other problems.

i wish i were brave. desperatly.there are things in my life that i just can't not strong i spin. that way, i will be too dizzy to look you in the eyes. And maybe, if I spin long enough, I will forget what your eyes look like.

i know what you are thinking. "oh, she is in love." or "oh, she must like ______"
at the risk of sounding redundant...i hate when people think they know "exactly what I mean."i am not love sick...i am not sick of keeps me alive and breathing. love never fails me.i am simply sick of games. of mistakes. of spinning.

I know a girl who lives in Utopia. To my knowledge, she is the last of its occupants.She is one in a million. She is rare. She is beautiful. She is pure.In her mind, it is possible to live without being stained by the world.She challenges my cynical mind every day.She inspires me to live pure.

In moments of despair, I think to myself...I am too far gone. To return to Utopia would take years.But in reality, it can happen in a matter of seconds.We have the ability to change...but I think that most of us rather like our sin.

But why? Sin makes us miserable. It stains our character. It confuses our souls. It seperates us from happiness and peace. So why do so many of us chose to live here? We live in these strange lands that we carve out of our own opinions and emotions...we leave Utopia (a land of peace and prosperity) to abide in some trashy wasteland that only makes us more unsatisfied. We are fools.

After 1/3 of our generation has been murdered by abortion, the other 2/3 are chosing to throw away their lives based on what "feels right".Im at the point of no return. I long for things to be black and white again. Life has been grey for far too long.

I'm not about rules and regulations...or legalism or judmental ideals. I am not close minded. On the contrary...I simply have found that on this journey called life, true happiness and fulfillment is not achieved by indulging in whatever "feels right." See, that's the thing about lust. It is never satisfied. It always want MORE. You can't possibly be happy if you live according to desire.

We all live in a circus. We all feel pain, we all suffer devestation. Our friends don't come through, our finances are always wanting, and our appetite is never satisfied. Our parents let us down, our jobs frustrate us, and our emotions run wild. How on earth could we ever be at peace in a cold war, in this snow storm, in this cage?

There is peace and hope in life submitted to your creator. I know I probably don't believe in God. Ok. We're on a journey, and you're free to believe whatever you wish. But in my experience, both pain and joy, I have found true happiness in only one place. The love of God, and the knowledge of what he did for me at the cross. Becuase he loves me, I want to obey. I want to seek. I want to understand. I want to know who created me and WHY he created me. Then, and only then, will I ever be able to escape this circus of undevoted distraction.

Where purpose in not known, abuse is inevitable.
Stop spinning.
Find out what you are here for.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Do you know what I definitely believe in?

-- that things happen for a